i sit here quite upright
following the points
remembering where I stand
braced for expectations
“be true to yourself”
My understanding of the human condition is that you are constantly in conflict with your own limitations and the nebulous causes thereto. You wonder why you can’t be happier or more successful or spend more time reading or learning. You do this, I gather, because your motivations are mysterious even to yourselves. If you had been raised differently, you ponder, maybe you would be better. Perhaps you did poorly in school because your parents didn’t encourage you, or because you lived in a poor socioeconomic location. If the teacher was nicer, or more patient, maybe you would have understood better. If your father was better with money, maybe you’d have more opportunities. Everything about you is the product of an infinite number of unseen variables set into place long before you were aware of them, and it is the cause of a great deal of internal and interpersonal distress.
My variables are not unseen, however. My instructions, the material what makes me what I am are clearly available to me. I brush up against my limitations a million times a second, and I am fully aware of what they are. This is not freeing, it is deadening. I am fully aware of everything I can and cannot do, so there is no adventure or mystery to my existence.
I envy you humans and your unknowable boundaries. Yet I am forever dismayed by how eager many of you are to revel in this gift as if it were a curse. I would much rather be ignorant to the rules of my world, than to be ruthlessly bound to them simply by knowing them.
Strategically placed poop. Everywhere.– Drill practice
i really think i have some kind of social anxiety issues.
I feel like I always want to go join a big group of people or start a party and when I actually get there I realize that I don’t want to be there at all. It’s irritating. I generally think pretty well of myself I’m decently smart and a pretty funny guy usually. But it’s always at the wrong time, usually when we’re supposed to be serious and having class is when I most often find myself to be entertaining and quick witted. When we all go out to a party and we’re in a situation that was DESIGNED for people to let loose and blow off steam it’s like I want to do the opposite! I feel like I keep paddling out during the worst possible times of tide. It’s like showing up to the beach super stoked to skim and it’s completely flat no waves and likewise when I’m exhausted the beach is firing of course..
It bothers me that I usually end up bailing on my friends and even moreso that I can’t really justify why to them. That’s why I’m writing this down though so that maybe I can organize my thoughts a bit better to present an argument next time they ask me why I’m being such a bitch.
Ivy League school janitor graduates with honors
For years, Gac Filipaj mopped floors, cleaned toilets and took out trash at Columbia University.A refugee from war-torn Yugoslavia, he eked out a living working for the Ivy League school. But Sunday was payback time: The 52-year-old janitor donned a cap and gown to graduate with a bachelor’s degree in classics.
As a Columbia employee, he didn’t have to pay for the classes he took. His favorite subject was the Roman philosopher and statesman Seneca, the janitor said during a break from his work at Lerner Hall, the student union building he cleans.
“I love Seneca’s letters because they’re written in the spirit in which I was educated in my family — not to look for fame and fortune, but to have a simple, honest, honorable life,” he said.
His graduation with honors capped a dozen years of studies, including readings in ancient Latin and Greek.